Shiny objects foreign leaders are using to distract baby Trump so he doesn’t destroy our world

Image: pierre suu/Getty Images

Is there any greater feeling than when America gets to say goodbye to baby Trump for the weekend and put him in the hands of trusted foreign babysitters?

Of course, it’s embarrassing when Trump throws his country all over the floor or has a temper tantrum until he gets to sit in the cart or hits on someone else’s wife in front of the cameras. But our fellow soon-to-be-former allies are doing a remarkable job entertaining our president until his parents (Congress) come home, which looks increasingly like … never.

Oh well. Here’s a look at how foreign leaders are doing a remarkable job of distracting Trump from adding more sh*t to the swirling storm of political sewage he’s let loose at home and abroad.

1. They gave him a big fancy parade to look at!

Image: CHRISTOPHE ARCHAMBAULT/AFP/Getty Images

Trump initially wasn’t going to attend Bastille Day in Paris until he found out there was going to be a big parade. Trump loves a parade! Big sounds!

2. They let him take a cart instead of walking. Toot toot!

Image: US PGA TOUR/getty images

Trump was spotted taking a golf cart in lieu of walking with the rest of the foreign leaders at the G-7 summit. Our little guy must have been so tired.

3. And they let him hit on all the pretty ladies at the party.

Trump told Brigitte Macron that she was in “such good physical shape.” While Trump’s behavior violated nearly universal standards of human decency, people understood he’s a kid for chrissakes!

4. In the Middle East, they let him play with the biggest shiniest ball they had.

5. And stay up and dance, way past his bedtime!

Image: mandel/AFP/Getty Images

It’s Friday night and he’s having fun Trump-G-I-F!

6. Oh the places he went! The strange objects he touched!

7. Including his babysitters’ knees!

8. When he wandered off for a nap, they totally understood.

9. Trump can do whatever he wants! Say whatever he wants! Eat whatever he wants!

Anything is possible so long as he doesn’t hurt … them.

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